Have you ever prayed with anyone? Not silently, in church, after we take communion. I mean, have you ever prayed WITH anyone? I'm the one who lets everyone else pray. They always have something more appropriate to say. And, while I am learning more and more about the Bible everyday, I wish I could quote scripture the way my friend Connie does...she is such a prayer warrior! It's so difficult to find the words when you're on the spot like that. I would much rather write, when I can use the backspace button as many times as I like and no one will be the wiser.
My husband and I each belong to our own small group or "Life Team" as our church calls them. I have been with the most ecclectic, yet wonderful group of women for well over a year now, whereas my husband has been with his for about a month. His is led by our preacher, so he gets homework, whereas mine is a little more laid back. :D
Anyway, his homework was to pray with his family. We say grace every night. DONE, right? No, he says, we have to pray together, not just the pre-written "God is great, God is good..."
And I'm smiling as he tells me this because I'm really nervous--I don't pray out loud in front of other people. Then he tells me that he was supposed to do it for homework the week before, but he didn't because HE was too nervous...phew! You must understand, my husband is the eternal salesman and, in his own words, lacks the filter that most of us have between our brains and our mouths. So to hear him say that he was nervous made me feel much better about my own insecurities. (Only two people have the address to this blog right now...that's how big of a wuss I can be!)
Why is it such a big deal to pray with other people, especially the person that supposedly knows everything about you? It's a level of intimacy beyond anything I have ever experienced. Maybe it's because I know that God really knows everything about me, even the things that I won't admit or don't know myself. And I'm worried that somehow that knowledge might be shared with my husband as he listens to me speak to God. I know that God loves me unconditionally, but can my husband? No! No one can have love as perfect as God's.
We took the leap though. I requested that we pray in bed, once the lights are off, so I won't be so self-conscious. (Sounds like something else is about to happen for the first time, right?) Then I choked...I couldn't find the words to start. So my husband, spiritual leader that he is trying so hard to be, says one of the most beautiful prayers I have ever heard. I did add a few tidbits of my own when he was finished...baby steps! But now it's like the ice has been broken. We have crossed a threshold of intimacy that just days ago I could not have imagined.
I can't wait to see where we grow together...
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