Surrounded by God

Again it has been awhile since I have written an entry, but God and I had some work to do on our own. I would say that part of the sabbatical was due to a technology issue, but I'm quite sure that God may have had something to do with that as well.

My renewal that I spoke about in my last entry was short-lived, I had to fight (and eventually submit) to truly feel as if I belonged in the arms of my Father. There's nothing like a return to the "old me" to show me how much I have changed throughout this journey.

At the beginning of this fight, I could not find God. I felt as if he had disappeared in anger over my actions. But as I opened my Bible, frantically searching for him and the scripture that I needed to fight, I found this...

"Submit yourselves then, to God. Resist the devil and he will flee from you." ~James 4:7

I was trying so hard to fight the devil on my own, to punch through him so that I could get to God, when all I had to do was just turn around. I don't have to fight him. I simply have to resist him. I just have to make the choice to turn to God, submit to him, and he will do the fighting for me. God doesn't leave us to fight on our own. He puts us where we need to be and surrounds us with people and opportunities that will show us his love, his grace and his support.

Through this I have realized that I am surrounded by God in all areas of my life. He has brought me to this place and woven such an incredible support system around me. I am a very independent person, determined to do everything on my own and intent on proving to others that I can handle whatever life throws at me. But as I look around, I see that I have at least nine women that will support me, hold me accountable, laugh with me and cry with me. I have a husband that is coming to be the spiritual leader of our family. I work in a department with people that are open about their faith and true in their values.

Make no mistake, I have not crawled into my little Christian cocoon, awaiting my transformation into a butterfly. I want to surround others, the way I have been surrounded and be that light of God in their life as well. The gift that I have been led to is so great that I want to "run back and tell the others". I'm not perfect. I'm not better than anyone else. I have had the opportunity to share these truths with others, and even that I have screwed up. But he loves me anyway and is sending me out to try again.