A Life Without Fear

I heard this question posed on the radio the other day...

"What would you do if you weren't afraid?"

I wouldn't know where to begin! Forget WHAT would I do, HOW would I do it?!

In this discussion, they were also talking about a book called Fearless by Max Lucado. (I have not read this book, nor any of his books, but I've heard he's pretty amazing.) But apparently, what he encourages you to do through this book is to replace your default reaction of FEAR with FAITH. Seriously?

The Bible mentions fear many times, in fact, the most common command from the Lord is, "Do not be afraid." I've read it so many times, heard it so many times, but on this occasion it hit me. I still make a lot of my decisions based on fear.

I may not let the fear stop me every time, but it is most definitely my default reaction. I wonder how many of my decisions would have been different had I just prayed, automatically. What if I had immediately asked God for His guidance, trusted him, and went with it? How much time have I lost? How much SANITY have I lost just fretting and stressing over the decision or its outcome?

I asked God to help me with this. And I have a feeling that this will be my prayer for a very long time--one of His "projects". Fear is an instinct, not one easily unlearned. I may never get rid of it, but my goal is to at least move it down on my list of reactions, and move faith UP.

Surrounded by God

Again it has been awhile since I have written an entry, but God and I had some work to do on our own. I would say that part of the sabbatical was due to a technology issue, but I'm quite sure that God may have had something to do with that as well.

My renewal that I spoke about in my last entry was short-lived, I had to fight (and eventually submit) to truly feel as if I belonged in the arms of my Father. There's nothing like a return to the "old me" to show me how much I have changed throughout this journey.

At the beginning of this fight, I could not find God. I felt as if he had disappeared in anger over my actions. But as I opened my Bible, frantically searching for him and the scripture that I needed to fight, I found this...

"Submit yourselves then, to God. Resist the devil and he will flee from you." ~James 4:7

I was trying so hard to fight the devil on my own, to punch through him so that I could get to God, when all I had to do was just turn around. I don't have to fight him. I simply have to resist him. I just have to make the choice to turn to God, submit to him, and he will do the fighting for me. God doesn't leave us to fight on our own. He puts us where we need to be and surrounds us with people and opportunities that will show us his love, his grace and his support.

Through this I have realized that I am surrounded by God in all areas of my life. He has brought me to this place and woven such an incredible support system around me. I am a very independent person, determined to do everything on my own and intent on proving to others that I can handle whatever life throws at me. But as I look around, I see that I have at least nine women that will support me, hold me accountable, laugh with me and cry with me. I have a husband that is coming to be the spiritual leader of our family. I work in a department with people that are open about their faith and true in their values.

Make no mistake, I have not crawled into my little Christian cocoon, awaiting my transformation into a butterfly. I want to surround others, the way I have been surrounded and be that light of God in their life as well. The gift that I have been led to is so great that I want to "run back and tell the others". I'm not perfect. I'm not better than anyone else. I have had the opportunity to share these truths with others, and even that I have screwed up. But he loves me anyway and is sending me out to try again.

Renewal

The length of time between my posts alone will tell you that I need a renewal, a revival of spirit. Life has gotten busy and I have gotten lazy when it comes to God's word and his work. I didn't even feel like praying last night...what's that about?! But, before I kissed my husband good night, I decided that is exactly why I NEEDED to pray, so I did. Among other things, I prayed to God that he would renew my spirit and draw me closer to him.

As I am writing this post, it occurs to me that these short droughts in my spiritual life are always preceded by intense breakthroughs in my relationship with God. When I hear a sermon or read something that really speaks to me and kicks my intensity up a notch, he comes after me. Not God, but the devil. He sneaks in and begins to coax me out of the arms of my Father. He is so sneaky that I don't even know it's him.

And now that I have had this epiphany, I am happy. I am rejoicing and praising the love of my Father, that his ways are working in me. This means that even though I may have drawn away from him I can still hear his voice. And he doesn't have to yell this time, just a firm warning will do to bring me back to where I need to be. I can only hope that someday it will only take a whisper, and shortly after that, I will not stray at all because my instinct will be to stay right by his side.

As I do each time before I begin writing, I pray that God will show me what it is that he would like for me to say, to give me the words that someone else needs to read. I let my Bible fall open, figuring that it would open to Esther or James or John, to one of the books that I have spent significant time in. But tonight it opened to Ezekiel...one that I don't have a single mark, note or highlight in. 

So, I started reading it. Chapter One is really trippy, either Ezekiel is on some serious drugs, or God really revealed himself to him! As I skim the book (it's a long, very repetitive, one) I start to see some similarities in my current situation and the general state of this world in which we live. Complacency, idolatry and rebellion have taken over the hearts of the exiled Jews. God has given Ezekiel his words to speak to the Jews "whether they listen or fail to listen, for they are rebellious." (2:7) Then I come across one of the "featured verses" in my Bible...

"I will give them an undivided heart and put a new spirit in them, I will remove from them their heart of stone and give them a heart of flesh."   ~Ezekiel 11:19

I still marvel over God's power to show me exactly what it is that I need to see or hear. One of the other things that stands out to me is the repetition, over and over, of God saying, "This is what the Sovereign Lord says..."and, "they will know that I am the Lord."

So you said, and again I know, therefore I am renewed in my commitment to you...

My Prayer for Our Country

This weekend I was blessed to hear the Lord's Word from a petite, blonde, spitfire named Beth Moore. This is the second time I have attended her annual Living Proof Live event, although this time it was a simulcast rather than the real thing. It was an amazing lesson, based on Psalm 37. (I encourage you to read it.) All of the lesson was profound, but I don't think anything hit me like her explanation of Psalm 37:3...

Trust in the LORD and do good; dwell in the land and enjoy safe pasture.

The simple language of this verse might allow us to skim over the meaning and think, "Okay, so I need to be obedient, live here and he'll keep me safe...pretty sweet deal, right?" But as we learned, it is not that simple. It's not enough to just be obedient and BE good. The LORD calls us to DO good! After all, if I am an obedient little Christian and do what I am supposed to do all the time (which I surely don't) then what positive impact will that have on people? Oh sure, some might be inspired by my decent example, and if I'm being good then I'm not being bad, but is that really helping anyone? And is that DWELLING in the land, or just merely taking up space? 

If my child was about to do something dangerous, and I told her it was dangerous, but then didn't give her another option for her adventurous cravings, what would be the outcome? She would do it, get hurt, and I would be right. I would be right, but my daughter would be hurt. That does her no good. It harms the trust that she has in the protection that I am supposed to be providing. 

That's just how it is with so many people, too many people, in our country. We are horrified by the evening news and all of the stories of abuse of drugs, children and sex. We shake our heads in shame at the no good people that live on welfare or drop out of school or abort a child. We shout angry words at the TV when we hear about another blank check that the government is writing or another policy that they are trying to shove down our throats. AND WE ARE RIGHT!!! We know we are. We know this is not how it's supposed to be. It's not how God intended it.

And you would be right yet again. Because if we were "doing good" the way God says we should then government wouldn't have to step in. If we had true wisdom, that we can get if we will just ask God for it, then it would not have come to this. Because we would be serving each other, taking care of each other. Not judging the man (or woman) that asks for something that they either do not deserve or do not need, because that is not our job. Those people will be judged someday by the one and only judge.

 But the wisdom that comes from heaven is first of all pure, then peace-loving, then considerate, submissive, full of mercy and good fruit, impartial and sincere. Peacemakers who sow in peace raise a harvest of righteousness.  ~James 3:17-18

My prayer for our country, and ultimately this world, is that God would help us lay down our anger and our need to be right. That he would bring a spirit of generosity that could out-give even the most generous government program. That our fear of someone getting more than their fair share would melt away as we are overcome with the fear that someone may not be going with us to the Promised Land. 

Slow Down

My dear brothers, take note of this: Everyone should be quick to listen, slow to speak and slow to become angry. ~James 1:19

When my child stands on her bed, fully clothed, and pees and then tells me that I better clean that up...when she takes half-an-hour to clean up the bucket of coins that she dumped all over the floor...when my dog dumps over the trash can when I'm late for work...when the cashier at the store is too busy telling her life story to check someone out in a reasonable amount of time...This is the verse that I need to have tattooed to the inside of my eyelids.

I struggle with this one soooo much. And most of you that know me, probably don't see it. I'm the person that gets embarrassed when the person I'm with complains at a restaurant or store. I'm the one that can't stand it when people are rude or disrepectful to others. But I do lose it...when no one's watching. I lose it on my dog. I lose it (very occasionally) on my child. Nothing can stop me from passionately singing the latest worship song on K-Love faster than that chick in the silver VW going 25 mph on the rural portion of Newtown Pike (where the speed limit is 55 mph!). Would I ever beat my child or my dog? NO! Would I ever beat the lady in the VW, or even just curse her to her face? NO!

So why is it that peoples' opinions affect my behavior, especially my anger, but God's opinion doesn't? Why is it that their feelings are of deep concern to me, but I don't seem to care that my angry actions break his heart?

I pray that I would be a better mother, wife, daughter, friend and servant by remembering this verse...that I would keep in mind that although God is all-powerful, he is not beyond pain. His greatest joy is seeing me living his purpose and convincing others to do the same...and my anger, seen by others or not, is always a disappoinment to him.

My Transformation

Last Friday, I was thinking to myself, "My how my taste in vehicles has changed since my husband entered my life." Since I got my driver's license at 16, I have owned nothing but small cars; the largest was a Hyundai Elantra, if that tells you anything! I had company vehicles during my tenure at Pepsi, and those were small vehicles too, although I didn't have a choice in that matter. After I left Pepsi and lost the use of a company vehicle, my husband and I decided that it would be best for me to drive his "bought and paid for" '96 Chevy Silverado. It's guzzling gas and so we set out to find an inexpensive, yet reliable vehicle, that we could pay cash for. (yes, I'm a Dave Ramsey geek!) His father found me a Nissan Altima first. There were some outstanding issues with the paperwork, so he set out to find another option. He found a GMC Jimmy and I love it!!!

Who would have thought that the woman who dreams of owning a Mini Cooper one day, would be excited about a '95 GMC Jimmy?! Well, since my husband was brought into my life, I have a new-found appreciation for trucks...the weight and protection that I feel while driving them, the respect and not-quite-so curious look I get when driving the back-country roads in my work territory, and the ability to load up just about anything and get it where it needs to go. He brought that perspective to my life and I am grateful for the eye-opening experience.

This weekend, we started a new sermon series at church, "Transformed to be Transformers," which prompted me to also consider how I have changed since Jesus became a part of my life.

Do not conform any longer to the pattern of this world, but be transformed by the renewing of your mind. Then you will be able to test and approve what God's will is--his good, pleasing and perfect will. ~Romans 12:2

In the same way, let your light shine before men, that they may see your good deeds and praise your Father in Heaven. ~Matthew 5:16

I know that the fact that I'm even writing this blog is a huge transformation for me in the "do not conform" department. We had a guest preacher, a missionary from Haiti that said, "Be the thumb." If the palm of your hand represents the Earth and your fingers, the people, you be the thumb. You are there, on the ground (not high and mighty) working below to serve and help the others, but yet standing apart...looking different. I've never quite fit in the crowd, per se, but I do struggle with resisting the urge to conform. For instance, I still don't feel comfortable witnessing to just anyone, and maybe I never will. But it is comforting to know that it is enough for my God that I can serve him and my neighbors and let that be my way of drawing people closer to him.

Only God can judge whether the change in me is genuine or adequate, but I do strive to remember and live by the above scriptures. I pray that my transformation never ends, and that it is always as exciting as this phase of my transformation. But, if it is his will that the rest of my transformation is a long, lonely walk in the wilderness, I will praise him for what he has allowed me to do and be so far.

In the Scripture

I love it when I see a theme to God's message. It's as if he knows that he can't just come out and tell you something because you won't get it, or you won't hear it.
For awhile now, I have seen the patterns of need for prayer in my life and in my journey. If you've been following this blog, you know that I have gone from not being able to pray in front of anyone to praying in my LifeTeam, with my parents, with my husband and with my daughter. God has taught me bit by bit that this is one of the ways that I will strengthen my relationship with him.
Now, and I think I'm catching on a little earlier on this one, it's Scripture. "You can pray it, you can live it, but eventually you're going to run out of knowledge and motivation if you don't read it. And don't just read it, let it soak in," he says. But he doesn't say it, he brings it before me.
I think it started with Dean's series on the seven miracles in the gospel of John. That piqued my interest in the Word. Then, there was the realization that in all this talk of my journey, I don't quote any scripture. I don't care how fuel efficient your car is, you're going to have to refuel on your way across the country. As this nagged at me more and more, I decided last night to read at least a portion of the book of James. Dean had referred to James 1:2-4, Consider it pure joy, my friends, whenever you face trials of many kinds, Because you know that the testing of your faith develops perseverence. Pereseverence must finish its work so that you may be mature and complete, not lacking anything. Hmmm...
Then, in our LifeTeam tonight, instead of watching our Beth Moore video on Esther we prayed (alot!) for the group members that were not able to be with us, for the family in our church that was struck this week with the tragedy of losing their son, and for anything else that we had on our hearts. AND WE READ SCRIPTURE. It was Tammy's suggestion, something that God had laid on her heart, and it fit just perfectly on mine as well.
So here are the two that really spoke to me...and in the writing of this, I just realized how closely they relate to the part of James that I mentioned earlier...

In the day of my trouble I will call to you, for you will answer me. ~Psalms 86:7

I say to myself, "The Lord is my portion, therefore I will wait for him." ~Lamentations 3:24

So, I sure hope the Lord isn't foreshadowing and preparing me for something bad to happen in my life. Maybe He's just showing me what I need to know so that I can be of support to others. But I do know that he will be there through my pain, should it come. I hear it loud and clear.

How amazing is that...that we can know, without a doubt that he will not leave us? You never really know with people. Friends, family members, they can all leave our side in the blink of an eye. But the Lord, our God will be there ALWAYS. Comforting, healing, teaching and loving us the whole way through the storm.

I don't ask for people to pray for me very often, but I do have just one request...would you pray that the Lord would give me the determination to read the Word each day? That I would be given a time each day that I could read and reflect and pray? And most of all, that I would do it with a happy heart, truly seeking not fulfilling an obligation.